Imagine my surprise when the letter came from
Finspreads stating that my application to open an account had been
declined.
That was bad enough. And then came the final sentence of their
letter: "This decision is final, and will
not be reversed."
Now if that's not a challenge, I don't know how to spell
incandescent with rage. Or as someone (Groucho Marx? Liam
Gallagher?) put it, "Any club that will accept me as a member isn't
worth joining."
After all, I had selected Finspreads from the pack of spread
betting firms only after much online research, brochure gathering,
and even seminar attending.
And I'd never intended to choose them at all.
The truth is that I'd been intending to have some fun with
sports spread betting. The result
of my mis-spent adolescence is that I know a LOT about soccer and
have spent the past week wishing my name were Rebecca Loos instead
of Sally Nicoll and it seemed like an interesting alternative to
fixed odds betting, which has been one of my more reliable revenue
streams for the past few years.
Anyway, somewhere along the search engines, I hit the wrong
button and discovered financial spread betting. The rest, as they
say is history, which, in my case, remains yet to be written.
I looked at spread betting firms that gave the impression of
being terribly businesslike and efficient, but seemed intended for
city professionals and Donald Trump, rather than me. Another whose
website design was in such a nasty colour that I simply couldn't
imagine looking at it on a regular basis. I accepted an invitation
to a seminar that turned out to be a thinly disguised attempt to
persuade me to install specialist computer software before I could
trade at all. (Gave them a false name and fled while the light
refreshments were being served.)
Then, thank goodness, I discovered Finspreads. They explained in
plain English how spread betting works. Their site was not as
intimidating as the others. Their colour scheme was acceptable.
They were happy to let me trade in pennies to begin with which
meant, at the very least, I would be able to lose my money more
slowly. And when I asked them to send me further information, they
did so, by return of post.
And now Now they had been equally efficient at rejecting my
application to open an account! Whereas others might have abandoned
spread betting at this stage, I took it as a signal that I was
destined to get stuck in.
Since I lead a blameless life financially, at
least I was confident this was some tragic clerical error that we
could all blame on the computer. But not so
Due to an Unfortunate Incident involving a neighbour's
motorbike, an inefficient insurance broker, a zealous free-legal
aid specialist, and an innocent victim (that would be me), it
turned out I had a County Court Judgement against me. For the
princely sum of £273.68. Entered, appropriately enough, on 1st
April, five years ago.
This was the first I'd heard about it, which just goes to show
you should never believe a word inefficient insurers say when they
tell you everything has been sorted out.
The Finspreads credit control people were very nice about my
criminal record (I know, but that's how it felt) and told me if I
could prove the CCJ was an error, they were sure I would be allowed
to open an account after all.
It took about a week to procure something called a Certificate
of Satisfaction. Which satisfied me. But would this evidence that I
am debtworthy or should that be creditworthy? be enough to satisfy
Finspreads?
As it happened, Finspreads was taking part in an Alternative
Investments Exhibition, somewhere out in London Docklands. I
decided to go there in person, armed with proof of my innocence. To
plead my case, that a non-existent debt of £273.68 should not
hinder my opportunity to make a fortune out of spread betting.
Which was how I came to make the acquaintance of Finspread's
Marketing Director. He is Welsh, but very nice. (Oh Lord, that is
probably politically incorrect and I will go the same way as that
poor MP who got into such trouble just for telling a joke about
cockle-pickers in Morecambe Bay.)
At the Exhibition, I did my Neville Chamberlain routine, armed
with my precious piece of paper. A Finspreads bloke was instructed
to issue me with a cup of coffee and a free Finspreads pen, while
the Welshman went off in search of a photocopying machine.
When he came back, he assured me that there would be no trouble
in opening an account. In fact, he was apologising so much, that I
began to feel quite sorry for him.
"I don't know what else we can do to make this up to you," he
was saying.
How about a few thousand pounds for my
injured feelings, I couldn't help but think. Showing we are all
becoming victims of the compensation culture, let alone political
correctness.
The Welshman broke into my avaricious thoughts with a question.
"Do you think it will rain today?" he asked.
"No," I replied, ever the optimist.
"Well how about tomorrow?"
"No."
"Or the day after?" The Welshman was becoming quite intense, and
I began to wonder if this was some sort of trading test, to see if
I could be keep my nerve under pressure.
"I expect it will rain some time in the next month." I kept my
tone very matter-of-fact.
At last, I had arrived at the correct answer.
Which is how I come to be in possession of a splendid
blue-and-white Finspreads umbrella, which was thrust into my hands
with a gesture of great relief.
Oh, and I also own a freshly-opened Finspreads account.
Sally Nicoll is a writer and a Finspreads customer whose
career to date has embraced journalism, broadcasting, and
advertising copywriting She lives in London and
is currently writing her second novel. Feel free to contact her
at veryluckymoney@hotmail.com.
Copyright 2004-2008 Finspreads.